BEANMAN in “THE TRUTH’S BEAN A LONG TIME COMIN’”
Script By: David Wiley
Panel 1: Beanman is flying through the night sky on patrol when he spots something of note in the city below.
CAPTION: As our story begins, we find our hero on patrol in the city he defends. It has been a quiet night thus far, but action always seems to find a way into the life of Beanman.
BEANMAN: Look, Suit, there are cop cars outside the Kirby Grocery Store. Guess we should lend a hand.
THE SUIT: Just as long as we make it home by prime time. You know how I get if I miss “my stories.”
Panel 2: Beanman is swooping down to the grocery store which is surrounded by police
cars and officers going about their business. The store looks like it’s been robbed with
maybe a few smashed windows.
BEANMAN: Looks like the boys in blue have the area secure.
THE SUIT: Yeah, I’d like to see a doughnut just try and sneak past this airtight perimeter.
Panel 3: Beanman has landed next to an officer holding a bullhorn. The officer doesn’t
seem happy that Beanman’s there.
BEANMAN: Greetings officer. What’s the situation here?
OFFICER: Oh great, it’s you. Look pal, we don’t want or need your help so just shove off.
Panel 4: The officer is trying to ignore Beanman while shouting into his bullhorn at his
colleagues off-panel. Beanman is confused as to why he’s being treated so rudely.
OFFICER: (Into bullhorn) Guys! What did I tell you about eating the evidence?!?
BEANMAN: Okay… maybe you’re new here… let me try this again… Greetings officer. I’m Beanman, super-champion of this city. I’d like to aid your investigation.
Panel 5: The officer is facing Beanman once again and looks furious. Beanman looks
completely puzzled and a little hurt.
OFFICER: Look, Mr. Fancy Tights, we heard what you said about us good,
BEANMAN: -What I said-But-
OFFICER: -And quite frankly, I couldn’t be happier. You think we’re useless, doughnut-munching, D-students? Well, we’ll just see how useful you are without our help. So shove off!
Panel 6: Beanman flies from the scene confused and sad.
BEANMAN: I don’t get it, Suit. I never said the police were useless, doughnut-munching, D-students.
THE SUIT: Eh, I wouldn’t worry too much about it, kid. Every Beanman eventually butts heads with the local law enforcement. It’s inevitable.
Panel 1: Brian is walking down a hallway in his high school. There are other kids in the
hallway watching Brian pass and whispering to each other. Brian seems uncomfortable
with the newfound attention.
CAPTION: It seems as though our hero’s reputation with the police has seen better days, and, if that wasn’t bad enough, Brian would get another unpleasant surprise the next day at school.
BRIAN: (Thought bubble) Yeesh, I seem to be a popular topic of conversation today. I have a bad feeling as to why.
Panel 2: Felix, Brian’s best friend, has caught up to Brian in the hallway. Felix is a bit
frantic and Brian looks worried.
FELIX: Brian, thank god I finally caught up with you. Have you heard what everyone’s been saying?
BRIAN: Hey, Felix. I figured something was up with everyone looking at me and whispering. That hasn’t happened since the first grade when I forgot to pull up my pants after using the bathroom.
Panel 3: Felix and Brian are standing in the middle of the hallway while Felix fills Brian
in on the situation. Brian looks mortified upon hearing the news.
FELIX: You’re in big trouble, man. It’s been going around school all morning that you’re seeing someone behind Kim’s back.
BRIAN: What!?!? But I would never-
FELIX: Yeah, you better go find Kim. She got here early. Panel 4: Brian, red faced and panting, has found Kim in another part of the school. He’s
running to catch up with her while she’s walking away from him. She’s furious.
BRIAN: -Pant- Kim-pant- Hey, Kim-pant- wait!
KIM: I’ve got nothing to say to you, Brian. People have been watching me all morning and I can’t go into the girl’s room without being laughed at.
Panel 5: Kim has finally stopped in the middle of the hallway to face Brian. Her posture
is straight and she’s looking down at Brian who has doubled over from the effort of
catching up to her. She’s emotionally destroying him.
BRIAN: But-pant- Kim, it’s not true.
KIM: Oh yeah, it’s not true? Then where were you last night when I called? Or how about the night before? Or this weekend when we were supposed to go to the aquarium and you never showed? The worst part is I thought you were a nice guy, Brian. Just leave me alone.
Panel 6: Felix has once again caught up to Brian and has put his hand on Brian’s
shoulder in consolation. Brian seems to be burning with fury and resolution.
FELIX: I caught the end of Kim’s speech. Tough luck, man. What are you going to do now?
BRIAN: Someone started that rumor, Felix. Someone is trying to destroy my relationship with Kim, and I think I know exactly who it is.
Panel 1: Brian is outside the school now storming his way behind the building to where
the villain who started the rumor is.
CAPTION: And so our hero marches toward the back of the school building to confront the villain he believes started the vile rumor.
BRIAN: (Thought bubble) It’s Paul. It has to be him. As Kim’s ex he’s the only one at school who has a reason to start that rumor.
Panel 2: Brian is still marching on with a look of determination on his face. The suit, in a hat and trench coat disguise, spots Brian from a distance.
THE SUIT: (Thought bubble) Hmm… I was headed to the costume warehouse to check out the brand new naughty maid outfits, hubba hubba, but Brian looks a bit troubled. Maybe I should follow in the shadows to see what’s what.Panel 3: Brian has reached his destination: The back of the school where Paul hangs.
Brian should have the same angry look on his face while he stares at Paul. Paul is perhaps
Leaning against the building with hands in pockets. A crony or two could be hanging
PAUL: Well, well, look at what we have here. It’s Romeo himself.
BRIAN: You’re going to come with me right now and you’re going to tell Kim that I never cheated on her.
Panel 4: Brian is in the same position with the same angry, focused expression while
Paul and his cronies have straightened up to stand face to face with Brian.
PAUL: And why should I do that, Romeo?
BRIAN: Look, I know you’re the one who started the rumor. You hate the fact that Kim’s with me now and you’ve always bullied me around. Well, today it stops. So come with me right now and tell Kim the truth, or I’m going to have to bust you up.
Panel 5: Brian is in same position, but Paul and his cronies are now doubled over in
laughter over Brian’s threat. While Paul is doubled over and in hysterics, The Suit has
crept on panel behind Paul around the corner of the school building and has spotted a
business card that fell out of Paul’s coat pocket.
PAUL AND CO.: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
THE SUIT: (Thought bubble) Hmm… looks like Paulie boy dropped something. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind if I borrowed it.
Panel 6: Brian is still staring at Paul while Paul’s wiping a laughter tear from his eye and
is walking away from Brian with cronies.
PAUL: Well, snowflake, none of that is going to happen. As far as I’m concerned, you’re a cheater and that’s the way it’ll stay until you can prove otherwise. Later loser.
CRONIES: Heh, heh, heh…
Panel 1: Brian is stomping back toward the school. The Suit, still in disguise is right
along beside him holding a business card in his glove.
CAPTION: Having been laughed at by his romantic rival, our hero makes his way back to school to initiate a new master plan!
THE SUIT: Hey pal, I heard about the whole Kim situation. What’s your plan?
BRIAN: Suit?!?! What are you doing… never mind. Paul started the rumor. I’m going to get Felix to hold him while I punch him.
Panel 2: The Suit and Brian are now facing each other with the suit holding out the
business card for Brian to examine.
THE SUIT: Yeah, you could do that. Or you could suit up with me and we can investigate this suspicious business card I swiped from Paul.
BRIAN: (Reading the card) “The Campaigner: Let me create your truth and spread it for you. 114 Grand Old Park.” Suit, you’re a beautiful garment.
Panel 3: Beanman is swooping down to the Campaigner’s headquarters in the city. It’s a
building like any other with a sign that reads: “CAMPAIGNER, INC. Where the truth
BEANMAN: Well, here we are. Don’t you think it’s weird for a big firm like this to start a high school rumor?
THE SUIT: Eh, it happens all the time in Orange County, but be careful. Something does feel strange about this one.
Panel 4: Beanman has entered the building through the front door. He has approached the
front desk with a secretary typing away behind it. The secretary doesn’t even look up at
him. Beanman is once again confused.
BEANMAN: Uh…greetings citizen. It is I, Beanman, here on… official business?
SECRETARY: Go on in, Beanman, the boss is waiting for you.
BEANMAN: Oh…uh… thanks.
Panel 5: Beanman has entered the Campaigner’s office. Beanman stands at one end of
the room while the Campaigner himself stands behind his desk at the other. The
Campaigner is a middle-aged gentleman in an expensive suit. He resembles any political
campaign director you’ve ever seen with a shady smile and an aura of self- importance.
CAMPAIGNER: Ah, Beanman. I must admit, I had projected you to arrive a little sooner, but it was only a matter of time before you realized that I’m the one who destroyed your relationship with the police.
BEANMAN: Wait a second, you’re the one who said the cops were useless, doughnut-munching, D-Studen- I mean, of course. That’s why I’m here. Nothing escapes Beanman’s notice.
Panel 6: This is a close-up of the Campaigner who has an evil smile on his face as he
tears his suit jacket and shirt open to reveal his super-villain action suit (a la Superman).
This reveals the Campaigner’s symbol (something like a big ‘C’).
CAMPAIGNER: Welcome to the lair of The Campaigner, Beanman! Current polls suggest it’s about to become your tomb.
Panel 1: Beanman is in a dynamic hero pose attempting to intimidate The Campaigner
before he leaps into action. The Campaigner (now in his full action suit) is out from
behind his desk and casually awaits Beanman’s attack.
CAPTION: Our hero has finally come face to face with the dastardly new villain who has been spreading lies throughout the city: The Campaigner. The final confrontation begins with truth itself on the line.
BEANMAN: This may be your home field, Campaigner, but my legume-enhanced strength will make capturing you a piece of cake.
Panel 2: Beanman has made a grab for the Campaigner, but has stumbled, missed, and is
about to fall on his face. The Campaigner stands in the face of the attack with his hands
confidently on his hips and a wide grin. The dialogue in bold are commands the
Campaigner is making using his strange powers.
CAMPAIGNER: Yes, I’ve heard about your strength. However, I also read a report that said you’re very clumsy. You’ll fall over before you even lay a hand on me.
BEANMAN: Have at you, vill-AGH!!!
Panel 3: Beanman is crawling flat on the floor with his legs trembling. The Campaigner
is leaning over him with the same self-satisfied grin.
CAMPAIGNER: The opposition says you’ll rebound from this setback, but your legs are too weak for you to actually take a proper stance on the issue.
BEANMAN: (Thought bubble) What’s happening to me? First he got me to fall flat on my face and now my legs have no strength at all, and all he’s done is talk!
Panel 4: The Campaigner has Beanman by his shirt collar and is lightly slapping our
hero’s face back and forth.
CAMPAIGNER: Top analysts now agree that you’re defenseless to my attacks. You see, Beanman, there’s no way you can stop me. I’m the ultimate campaign manager!
Panel 5: The Campaigner takes us into a flashback. A young campaigner sits in a college
library late at night with stacks of books surrounding him. He’s studying hard to become
the menace he is today.
CAMPAIGNER: (Flashback caption) As a young poli-sci major, I knew there had to be some way to make people believe anything you wanted them to. I studied for hours pouring over the best examples of political control and propaganda I could find: Machiavelli, Tammany Hall, Edna Robinson’s iron rule over the East Wisconsin Baking Club, and the rest of the political greats.
Panel 6: The Campaigner has kneeled down to Beanman’s level and has pulled our
hero’s face up to his own by yanking on Beanman’s tongue. Beanman is obviously in
CAMPAIGNER: Then one day the answer dawned on me. How do you get people to believe a lie? You tell it to them. Just let them in on your lie and if you seem respectable and say it with a straight face most people will be gullible or lazy enough to believe you. Once I realized this, the great mystic power of the lie was mine to control. Now I shall use it to destroy you!
Panel 1: The Campaigner has strapped Beanman into a device that feeds lies straight into
Beanman’s mind. A small, metal crown hooked up to the device has been placed on
Beanman’s head to conduct the lies into his brain. The Campaigner is switching it on.
CAPTION: Our hero is in terrible peril at the hands of the villainous Campaigner whose lies have rendered Beanman virtually helpless. Can Beanman still snatch victory in the face of such overwhelming power?
CAMPAIGNER: Let me introduce you to The Indoctrinator, Beanman. It’s built to feed all of my truths directly into what you generously refer to as your mind. When it’s finished you’ll be ready to endorse me for president. Have fun!
Panel 2: This frame zeros in on Beanman in The Indoctrinator. An energy ring around
his head feeds him the lies and causes him terrible pain. A tiny, blob of light is forming
next to Beanman’s face and the voice of Beanman Prime can be heard from it.
BEANMAN: (Thought bubble) Ye gods! Here come the lies: The Campaigner believes in family values; to be American is to support the Campaigner; I cheated on Kim; Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone! AGH! I’m powerless against them!
PRIME: (From light blob) Hey there, Brian…
Panel 3: Beanman Prime’s face has now fully materialized next to Beanman’s. The
Campaigner seems to not notice Beanman Prime’s presence.
PRIME: What’s up? Feel free to speak. We’re communicating telepathically so the liar won’t be able to hear us.
BEANMAN: Beanman Prime! Help me!
PRIME: And what could I possibly help you with? You’re Beanman.
Panel 4: The faces of Beanman and Beanman Prime are hovering over two meta-physical
images: One of a scrawny, sad, and defeated Beanman hanging his head and another of a
muscle-bound, triumphant Beanman flexing. Brian’s head and dialogue hover around the
defeated Beanman while Prime’s head and dialogue hover around the triumphant one.
BEANMAN: But the Campaigner is too powerful!
PRIME: Brian, he’s a liar. All he has are lies, so how does one beat a lie?
BEANMAN: Uh… with the truth?
PRIME: Exactly! So what is the truth?
Panel 5: Beanman breaks himself free from The Indoctrinator. Beanman stands with
his arms thrust out breaking the straps that held him, the metal crown is snapping off
his head, and the Campaigner has tumbled back in surprise.
BEANMAN: I’m Beanman!!!
Panel 6: The tables have turned and now the Campaigner trembles as Beanman has him
firmly by the collar of his shirt.
CAMPAIGNER: Bu-but I don’t understand. I had you by a landslide!
BEANMAN: I believed your lies for a time, Campaigner, but then I searched for the truth in myself and do you know what I learned? My earned truth beats your simple lies any day!
Panel 1: Beanman is turning The Campaigner over to police custody. The Campaigner
has a gag over his mouth and is in handcuffs. The officer who is taking him into custody
is the same officer who told Beanman off earlier.
CAPTION: Having defeated the dastardly Campaigner, our hero turns the villain over to the authorities and looks to tie up loose ends.
BEANMAN: Here’s the villain, officer. I think you’ll find he’s been spreading several lies across the city including the insults against you boys in blue.
OFFICER: Yeah, it’s funny. All of us were mad at you up until a little before you called. It’s like we suddenly knew you never said any of that stuff. Weird, huh?
Panel 2: Beanman is flying off back to school while the officer is hauling the
Campaigner off to jail.
OFFICER: Thanks again, Beanman! We’ll show old man tights here just how seriously we take slander in this city.
BEANMAN: (Thought bubble) Look like Beanman’s job is done. I only hope that Kim snapped out of The Campaigner’s lies just like the cops did.
Panel 3: Brian is back in school nervously looking for Kim. Felix has once again caught
up with his friend first.
FELIX: Brian! Man, where have you been? Everyone’s completely turned around on the whole cheating thing.
BRIAN: Even Kim? Do you know where she is?
FELIX: I’d check her locker. Third period just ended.
Panel 4: Brian has made a dash for Kim’s locker. He finds her leaning up against the
locker looking sad.
BRIAN: Kim-pant-hey. So-pant-do you believe me now? I was never seeing anyone else.
KIM: Yeah, Brian, I know you never cheated on me. I was kind of hoping it was a lie, but now… The funny thing is I don’t feel any better.
Panel 5: Brian has straightened up and Kim has stopped leaning on her locker. They are
now face to face and it’s obvious they’re hurting each other.
KIM: I know that you hide things from me, Brian. You stand me up, disappear, and you never give me much of an explanation about any of it. That’s why it wasn’t too hard for me to believe you were cheating. At least that gave me an answer, but I guess it wasn’t the truth. So what is the truth?
KIM: Yeah, that’s what I thought. I’ll see you around, Brian. Please don’t try to call me.
Panel 6: Kim walks away from Brian who hangs his head in defeat.
BRIAN: (Thought bubble) So what is the truth? I’m Beanman…
Beanman copyright 1976,2009 by William Mitchell and Kimball Thorpe